This was a very moving book and very raw. I have chosen to open my review in the same direct way that Sandra Tyler has her book, as you are exposed immediately to the extent of her grief at her mother’s passing. It’s like an emotional drenching.
And it is Tyler’s candour which shapes this book, her memories from the loss of her mother transposed into a memoir, providing a description of the slow, prolonged loss of a parent, full of emotional moments, poignant and sometimes jarring.
Sandy is a mother of two young boys when her mother shows signs of losing her independence through the onslaught of old age. She falls and Sandy has to field hospital visits and continuing care, whilst juggling her role as mother. It is clear that the relationship that Sandy has with her mother is one of love and respect; that there is a mutual dependency.
When the signs of dementia manifest themselves in addition to physical instability, Sandy is faced with the fact that her mother is slowly dying and that there will be no drifting towards peaceful death and that this struggle is going to be something that she cannot shy away from; that as a dutiful and loving daughter, she will have to face up to it in all its sad, demanding and dignity-eroding painfulness to the bitter and grief-loaded end. She also has to accept that this will be to the detriment of her family life; that she will be called upon at a moment’s notice and that she will have to find reserves of patience that she probably did not realise she had. She will be weary and drained and guilt-filled regardless of her dedication.
I think that this memoir is beautifully told. For anyone with ageing parents, it is an insight into a world that we may have to confront and it is bleak; however, Tyler is keen to show that there are moments of love in being able to give unreserved attention to a parent who has always been there for you and that, in being dutiful, the threads that remain of their life can be held more securely for that bit longer, despite the fact that you know they’ll eventually break from your grasp.
Tyler has crafted something which at times is hard to read in its candour but whose essence is deeply touching.
Recommended.
Scuffed Granny 